But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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