I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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