my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
