I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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