At least make sure they are 18
Why
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize