Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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