Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
