Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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