when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
is it fun? or sober?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
