I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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