I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
