oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
