Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I am mentally ready for anal.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
