Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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