I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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