Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
