This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
