My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
