what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
