similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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