she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
