I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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