Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My ass is underappreciated
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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