it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
