fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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