somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
