and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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