U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
