Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
