WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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