She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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