i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
