i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
