This dress was meant to end up on your floor
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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