Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Found the puke drawer
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
