We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
