You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
