Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
