you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
