i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
