I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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