I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
