OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
