In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
