just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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