didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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