It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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