i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
