so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All I want is dick and wine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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