i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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