ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
