UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Enjoy the penises
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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