rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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