First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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